Hey Internet!

Seeing as you read this blog, no doubt you’ve noticed me pimping this project around the Internet for a few weeks. Whilst pimping, I’ve been asked similar questions often and it is tiring to repeat them over and over to each person individually. So, here’s a blog post explaining some of the common questions, in detail for everyone to read. Enjoy.

Why didn’t you use Kickstarter? What the shit is Pozible?

Not to denigrate Pozible, but you’re right, I should have used Kickstarter (I like Kickstarter). Kickstarter has that immediate cachet and makes people think “ooh, Kickstarter, cool shit in here”. Pozible, despite being practically the same thing, doesn’t enthuse people like Kickstarter does. So why did I use it over Kickstarter? Kickstarter needs you to use Amazon Payments and agree to these terms:

To be eligible to start a Kickstarter project, you need to satisfy the requirements of Amazon Payments. Check each requirement to confirm:

• I am 18 years of age or older.
• I am a permanent US resident with a Social Security Number (or EIN).
• I have a US address, US bank account, and US state-issued ID (driver’s license).
• I have a major US credit or debit card.

I’m over 18, but the rest, I do not have. The dudes making the Opena (nice guys btw, can’t wait for mine to ship) who are Australian, got around the last 3 requirements by having a relative in the US set up the project for them. I unfortunately, do not have anyone in the US I know well enough to handle that significant amount of money for me. Poizlbe is Australian and all they ask for is an AU bank account, which I have.

That is why I didn’t use Kickstarter.

$25,000!? Are you out of your fucking mind? How many hookers are included in that estimate?

There’s two threads within that sort of comment (which has been by far, the most prevalent opinion regarding the project): 1. “It shouldn’t be that big and elaborate. Scale down your ambition and you’ll be able to get it done without having to beg for money on the Internet like a hobo” and 2. “$25,000 is pretty expensive for what you want to do, it shouldn’t cost that much.”

In reply to thread 1 - I want to aim large. I want the quality of the production to justify the quality of the content. Throughout my time running MacTalk and doing things like this, the broken window theory has always rung true for me. It’s like how you have apps such as Garageband, or iPhoto, which are so beautiful and so enticing, that you want to create stuff in order to use them. Sure, it’s no excuse for crappy content, but if your content is presented poorly, it’s going to have less chance at success.

I totally understand the just get it out there on a tiny budget line of thinking. The whole thing about not trying to be perfect, but just putting it out there. I’ve done that. I’m lucky enough now that I can at least try to do a project with the people and resources I want, rather than with what’s lying around. Some people are not as lucky as me and need to do it with no resources. I know how that feels, I’ve done that, and it sucks. Nobody does that by choice, but by necessity. I’m going to give doing it as best as I can a shot, rather than just getting by.

For the second point - that $25,000 is too much money for a production like this, then you may be right. If you crunch numbers and scrimp a bit, you can lower the price, but when you budget for something, you over estimate. I’ve been left short so many times when I try to accurately budget. It’s always better to have more than you expect, than less. Anyone who has had experience in broadcast quality television will explain to you that $25,000 for a 5-episode show is bottom of the barrel. When split across the series, it’s only $5,000 per episode. When you consider hiring 5 cameras per shoot ($250 each), almost 15 lights, 6 microphones, paying guests for their travel expenses (Hobart, Brisbane, Sydney x3, Perth x2), hiring somewhere to shoot the thing and building a set - plus extra things like websites, promotional material, music, motion graphics and hosting, $5,000 per episode doesn’t leave much fat in the budget.

I know I sold MacTalk and apparently have a large chunk of cash lying around (which I don’t, but I’ll let you believe I do), why would I spend $25,000 of it on a project that won’t make any money? The idea of crowdfunding is that people are supporting a project they want to see happen. Lots of people, chipping in a little bit in order to enjoy the fruits of someone’s labour. It’s not some scam for you to give me money which I keep and sit on. I gotta spend that money to make the show!

Why are you focussing on iOS development? You don’t even code. What gives? What’s in it for you?

Damn straight I don’t code. I don’t even design apps. I also can’t play an instrument, but I still love music. I can’t kick a football more than 20 meters, but I like footy. I admire the talents and skill required to develop software and the people I’ve met who do it well and do it for a living are inspirational. Their work is also incredibly fun and useful.

Initially, I simply wanted to meet the people behind the apps I use every day. Then I wanted to know more about them and their journey and share that with others. Now I want to encourage the wider developer community to create awesome software that I might use.

There’s also the chance to have a nice closing chapter to One More Thing - this whole thing came out of a conference about iOS development. Next year, I don’t think we’ll be doing another conference about iOS, so this gives me a chance to wrap up all the loose ends regarding iOS and focus on another area that One More Thing can explore.

A big factor is that I also enjoy the process. Planning and creating a conference was kinda enjoyable. It was stressful at times, but the work itself was great and the outcome was wonderful. Same with this video project - I’m an A/V nerd, so getting to use cameras, lighting, mics and recording interesting content, then editing it and presenting it as best as I can is fun. It’s like making a cake or a special dish. The process of cooking is just as fun as eating the meal at the end.

This review originally featured on MacTalk back in the day. I thought it was rather good, so I’m keeping it here as a reminder of my ability to string words together. It also had photos, with witty captions, but they’ve been lost in the process of 3 server upgrades.

I’M SITTIN’ THE HELL OUTTA THIS CHAIR.

Some of you nerdier types may have already heard of Sumo Lounge. They’re pimped around nerd circles often (ala Penny Arcade, Something Awful etc.) as geeks have no respect for traditional furniture and relish the opportunity to be extremely comfortable whilst doing geek activities, such as reading, playing video games or munching on some Cheetos Cheese and Bacon Balls while watching an even-numbered Star Trek movie. If you haven’t heard of Sumo Lounge, I welcome your fine Australian buttocks to a new world of comfort. Sumo have finally decided to sell their wares here in Australia via their website. Currently, only a single model of the Sumo Lounge range is available to us Australians - the Omni.

The Sumo Lounge Omni is pretty much a fancy bean bag. A big, fancy bean bag. With features that make it a modern, big, fancy bean bag. Everyone loves a good bean bag and as an expert fat-arse, lazy, geek, I have sat on many bean-bags in my time. The Omni is one of the best I have plunged my vast body mass into. This ain’t your grandma’s bean-bag. This piece of awesome literary exhibitionism will detail why I, lord of the bean bags, liked the Omni.

All Sumo Lounges come pre-filled with beans, which is cool, as I hated putting the foam beans into bean bags. I make a huge mess and there are little white dots everywhere. They’re A-grade beans too, so don’t worry about them becoming worn out too quickly and having to re-fill it. It had a hard time getting in the house (the courier and I had to lean hard to shove it through front door), but once it’s in, you do not need to worry.

My favourite feature is that the material on the Omni is easy to clean. Ever eaten a nice big plate of nachos, covered in sour cream, raised that large corn chip to your mouth with that giant dollop of cream and had it drop, straight on your couch? Yeah, I’ve been there too and it sucks (you can still see the stains). The Omni however is made out of BALLISTIC NYLON, which I naively thought means it’s bulletproof. Alas, it is simply PVC coated nylon which is super durable but smooth. Don’t go shooting it.

The Omni is huge. It’s 137cm x 167cm, Which means it supports a beached whale like me and possibly like you. Us fatties can launch themselves into the Omni and it will just sit there and take it. It’s also really durable (again, useful for lardos), with NO RIP stitching and fabric.

My only complaint with the Omni is that it’s so comfortable, I don’t want to get up, which leads to a sore bladder or angry girlfriend. Both if you ain’t careful.

Some specs:

• $199 inc. delivery to QLD, ACT, VIC, NSW - you other states can’t even order as you’re too far away from the rest of Australia. Sumo are looking into how to get bean bags to you.
• Five colours, so it will fit into your cave’s decor.
• Satisfaction Guarantee. If for some reason this bean bag rubs you the wrong way in your first week of owning it, Sumo will give you back your money.
• The Omni is filled with virgin polystyrene foam (little white foam balls). That means you get to pop their cherry. I knew you’d like that. Pervert.

Check out the Sumo website, where there are hot chicks lounging around on sacks full of beans. Unfortunately, they aren’t lounging on either of our sacks. Damn. Still, we can dream. Maybe if you buy a Sumo Lounge Omni, hot women will lounge on it. Maybe. While you’re at the Sumo website, watch this video, it will change your life.

This review originally featured on MacTalk back in the day. I thought it was rather good, so I’m keeping it here as a reminder of my ability to string words together. It also had photos, with witty captions, but they’ve been lost in the process of 3 server upgrades.

So this is what my life has come to.

24 years old and I’m reviewing sex toys on the Internet. Not just on the internet, that’s bad enough, but on a forum full of people who belong in the portion of society most likely to be virgins. My mother is proud me. Yes she is.

Okay, now, this item is called the Naughtinano and it is from the spiffy guys and girls at OhMiBod. It’s a vibrator. A fake penis that rumbles. A “marital aid”. If you’re male, this thing is probably useless for you. Unless your into prostate stimulation. Even then, I’m not sure how this device would help, but if you want to buy it to try it out, fuck, who am I to judge? It keeps the economy going. Use that $1,000 bonus from the government to buy it with for all I care. It is a government “stimulus” after-all.

If you’re one of the scarce females that reads MacTalk then GODDAMN today is your day. This review is for you ladies. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a woman-friend who would test the Naughtinano. Even when I told them it’s purely for science, that I don’t need to be in the same room (just close enough so I can hear) and that I won’t be recording the process onto video, they still didn’t warm to the idea. So dear reader, this is the first review on MacTalk I have written that does not include a rigorous testing regime. Hence, it may not be up to the usual standards. For this, I apologise. I will try my best.

I will assume you know how a vibrator works and what you’re supposed to do with it. If you don’t, well, you have the internet. Research. This vibrator in particular is only being reviewed here because of it’s special feature - the ability to plug in an iPod and have it vibrate in time to the music. The vibrator itself simply has a 3.5mm jack on the end that can accept any sort of audio input, not just iPods. TV’s, DVD players, your Nintendo DS, your computer, whatever floats your boat (or the little man in it).

Now, I have very little experience with vibrators, dildo’s or any other sort of sex toy. Interpret this as you wish, but I have no qualms with it and I am at peace with myself. From my lack of experience, I would assume this is quite a regular sized device. I’m sure most women would find it perfectly adequate. If not, then my manhood has been shattered into a million tiny pieces. The Naughtinano is more rubbery/silicone than it is smooth and shiny. I do not know how this would go, err, internally, but I’m sure the brains at OhMiBod took this into consideration during product testing.

In the box it comes with the vibrator itself, the appropriate cable to go from iPod to vibrator and split the sound to your headphones, a cap for the vibrator so it can be used sans-music, a “velvet privacy pouch” and two sets of batteries.

You simply use the cable to plug one end into your iPod, then the other into the vibrator. Then insert your headphones into the free socket (heh, sockets and plugs and inserting) and away you go. You control the intensity of the vibrations via the volume. The louder the noise, the more vibrating. Easy! You don’t want to think too hard whilst using this, do you now?

I have two niggling complaints with the Naughtinano. For starters, the privacy pouch. It ain’t that frickin’ private! I have no doubt that if anyone saw this fluffy pink pouch with OhMiBod written on it, one would be inclined to investigate and therefore discover the device. Maybe something more discrete would work well here. Secondly, the batteries. N-type cells?! I don’t know where you buy them from, but the supermarket sure doesn’t sell them. Assuming the Naughtinano hits the right spot, I can imagine the batteries dying fast and the last thing you want is a flat battery in the middle of that event. No-one has N-type cells in their home. AA’s, AAA’s, yes. But N-type cells, no. Dumb idea OhMiBod.

So, to the question on your mind. Will it give me earth-shattering orgasms to my favourite music? The answer is yes. If you’re into a an anatomically incorrect rubber fake penis that rumbles like a possessed robot lingering around your genitalia. I’m no expert, but from the girls I hang out with (to the three of you reading this, you don’t think less of me at all do you? No, no you don’t.), this sort of thing just doesn’t appeal to them. I’m sure there’s a couple of chicks that *really* like music and wish it was Damon Albarn, John Lennon, Josh Homme or something instead of the fake cock. That’s cool, I wouldn’t expect less, but really, it’s not the guy that sang those beautiful words, so um, no-wonder us geeks can’t get a date. However, th aim here is to get you off and if having music helps, then damn it, I won’t deny you that.

What the Naughtinano does bring to the table however, is being able to show off my skill at making playlists that would make good vibrator companions. I present to you, Decryption’s Orgasmolicious Playlist:

1. The Beatles - Come Together
2. Blur - I’m Just a Killer For Your Love
3. Queens of the Stone Age - Make It With Chu
4. Muse - Stockholm Syndrome
5. Mogwai - Glasgow Mega Snake
6. Cut Copy - Going Nowhere
7. Air - Dirty Trip
8. PNAU - Embrace
9. The Presets - Down, Down, Down

Alternatively, get any Presets song - I’m pretty sure they’re a plant by OhMiBod in order to sell vibrators. Feel free to suggest your own playlist. Actually, OhMiBod even has a community where people share their playlists. They call it Club Vibe, heh. I have not ventured into this community, but I am sure it’s full of great suggestions.

And before you ask, what is next for the Naughtinano review unit I received, it will be sent (un-used) to a friend. Merry Christmas Nicola!

You can buy your own from OhMiBod Australia for $99 inc shipping. Thank Christ for discrete shipping methods. There’s a whole bunch of accessories too. Oh, and a video of it in action. It’s not as good as you think it is though.

This review originally featured on MacTalk back in the day. I thought it was rather good, so I’m keeping it here as a reminder of my ability to string words together. It also had photos, with witty captions, but they’ve been lost in the process of 3 server upgrades.

Leggo’s Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles is a condiment. A condiment that isn’t well loved.

It has been relegated to obscurity behind trendier condiments such as avocado spreads, or simply ignored for old favourites like tomato sauce or it’s fancier, American mustard variety. In an attempt to learn more about the subject I am reviewing, I wanted to know the history behind it, however, the lineage of Leggo’s Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles isn’t exactly clear. I Googled for minutes and I failed find anything relating to the history of Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles, let alone Leggo’s variety. It is such a neglected condiment, that no-one cared about it enough to create a Wikipedia article. Not even a mention in the main Mustard article. This review might enlighten you to it and spread awareness of this red-headed step child of the condiment world.

What exactly is in Leggo’s Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles I hear you ask? Well, it’s a bunch of yellow shit (mustard I presume), mixed with pickle and cauliflower. There’s a heap of other crap listed on the ingredients, but most of it is irrelevant. Unless you’re allergic to colours 100 and 102 that is. If so, don’t eat this. If you need the full spec sheet, hit up the Leggo’s website.

How’s it taste? Pretty damn good. Usually around 11pm - 1am you can find me in the kitchen (in my underwear of course) slathering this all over four pieces of bread and then sliding some quality bacon between those slices of bread and totally gorging myself. If you’ve ever digested mustard before, this is pretty close in taste, but it’s a bit sweeter than your usual Dijon or American mustard (hence the “Sweet” in “Sweet Mustard Pickles”). It has a runny consistency and is less grainy than regular mustard, if you care about such things. For me hoever, the real kicker is the addition of pickles *with* the mustard. Getting those chunky bits of pickled cucumber is like winning a mini-lottery. I am a pickle fan, as well as a mustard fan, so it’s a match made in heaven. The cauliflower, I can do without, but seeing as it’s drowned in the mustard, I’ll forget it’s there and just stomach it.

I strongly recommend the sandwich variety, as the “regular” sweet mustard pickles are quite a challenge to spread. There are more chunks and it’s thicker, which means you will probably end up tearing the bread, then when you eat the sandwich, it leaks out and you get stains on your t-shirt. Not cool. Not cool at all. People will unfairly think you’re a slob. The chunkier version is great on hot dogs or as a side to something else, so it has it’s place. Good thinking Leggo’s - that’s what I call innovation.

Leggo’s Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles sells for around $2.49 (I forget the exact price) for a smaller jar down at the local supermarket and has a really long use-by date. So buy a jar, stick it in your pantry and leave it there. You never know when the need will arise. You’ll have friends over, about to tuck into a boring, plain and pathetic sandwich consisting solely of bread and bacon (or any other sort of processed meat) and then it will hit you - “I saw that fucking stupid review of Leggo’s Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles on MacTalk, which has nothing to do about Macs, or talking, but I bought a jar anyways and never used it. Until now. My sorry excuse for a sandwich is now full of win thanks to Leggo’s Sweet Mustard Sandwich Pickles.

This review originally featured on MacTalk back in the day. I thought it was rather good, so I’m keeping it here as a reminder of my ability to string words together. It also had photos, with witty captions, but they’ve been lost in the process of 3 server upgrades.

You that when, your one Macs. You unlike Macs, somebody the Macs.

That is the first word of each chapter in this book I am about to review. For some people that will be enough to judge this book on. For everyone else, take a seat, put your iPhone into airplane mode (if you don’t know how to do that, then don’t bother reading this review, buy the freakin’ book already - you need it) and read on to see if these books are worth your hard earned pesos.

Wiley, a well respected book publisher lowered themselves to my level and took the risk to send me copies of their latest publication series, titled PORTABLE GENIUS. I assume this is a reference to the fact that Apple stores have GENIUSES and that books are PORTABLE, hence, PORTABLE GENIUS. Quite intelligent there Wiley. There’s currently nine books in the series: Aperture 2, MacBook Air, MacBook, MacBook Pro, Final Cut pro, Macs, iMac, Mac OS X Leopard and iPhone 3G. Why each laptop needs it’s own book is beyond me, but Wiley aren’t dummies. They’ll fly off shelves I’m sure of it. I was given the books about Macs and iPhone 3G. I did not ask for these, they were given to me. They assumed these were appropriate titles for me or the readership of MacTalk. Again, Wiley are very observant as I thought them to be quite appropriate for MacTalk too.

I will be honest and say I did not read these books cover to cover. For starters, I already know everything there is to know about Macs and iPhones. Reading these books would be like Bill Gates reading a book on how to make money. Futile. He is already rich. I did flick through it, just to see what Wiley and the authors McFederies & Pabian are telling people about the iPhone and the Mac. From what I did gleam off my brief reading, I can safely say they are A+ books.

Both titles and indeed, the whole series, are in full colour, with many screenshots to explain processes, pictures and diagrams. Chapters are set out as questions so you know exactly what you are getting. The content is useful. If you’re the type of person who either has no clue at all what this eye-phone does or their MAC is foreign to them, then you will be enamoured with these titles. If you’re the person who knows the basics and wants a bit more, you’ll get good value from them. If you’re an old hand at this technology stuff, there probably isn’t a lot in these books that you’d give a crap about. Christmas is approaching, so buy it as a gift for that newb who keeps bothering you with their stupid questions.

Some stats:

• 345 pages (Macs Portable Genius), 267 (iPhone 3G Portable Genius)
• Paperback, nice feel to the paper.
• ISBN: 978-0-470-42348-6 (iPhone) | 978-0-470-29052-1 (Macs)
• They were written for Karen and Gypsy. Lucky ducks. A whole two books dedicated to them.
• Width: 160mm, Height: 230mm, Thickness: 20mm (iPhone Portable Genius is the same, but only 15mm in thickness)
• Available wherever good books are sold. Or the Wiley website.
• $28 Canadian dollars, $25 United States dollars or 3,295 Australian cents.
• If you are a book retailer or librarian, place these book in the Computers / Hardware / Macintosh / Peripherals area.

This review originally featured on MacTalk back in the day. I thought it was rather good, so I’m keeping it here as a reminder of my ability to string words together. It also had photos, with witty captions, but they’ve been lost in the process of 3 server upgrades.

Energy and persistence conquer all things.

-Benjamin Franklin

That quote is emblazoned on the side of the packaging of the 3G JUICE. It’s placed there to make you think about how fantastic the product is, or to contemplate on the amazing piece of technology inside. Maybe the intention is simply to be a handy tip for life. A reminder that if you put enough energy (lol energy, it’s a battery, get it?) and stick at something for long enough, that you will accomplish anything. If you don’t know who Benjamin Franklin is, you’re a douchebag. If you liked that quote after reading it on the side of a box and don’t know who Benjamin Franklin is, you’re a velocodouche.

The 3G JUICE (in caps as that’s how it’s written on the blurb on the back of the box), is a rechargeable lithium polymer battery with a dock connector on it. Simple. Anything with a dock connector, the 3G JUICE can power. iPhones, iPods, iPod Touch, your mum. Wait, not the last one, she doesn’t have a dock connector. Besides, she brings her own batteries.

Why does one need an extra battery for their iPod or iPhone? For the iPod, you probably want it because you’re going on a long trip or plan to be somewhere where you can’t charge your iPod for a while. The iPhone however, you will need if you plan on being outside for more than 3 hours. An exaggeration, but iPhone 3G owners know what I’m getting at. This is not Apple’s fault or the iPhone’s fault. Many things outside of Apple’s control lead to poor battery life on the iPhone and hence, the need for a product like the 3G JUICE:

• 802.11g and 3G radio chipsets. 3.5” high res, bright, full colour touch screen.
• Battery in iPhone is thin as we like thin devices.
• iPhones are so damn good that we use them 24/7, where as other “smartphones” are so shit, we avoid using them.

Add all those up and at the end of the day, you have a alerts on your iPhone saying the device will explode unless you find a power socket. Luckily, 3G JUICE has you covered.

Unless you lack opposable thumbs, the 3G JUICE is idiot proof. Charge it up via a USB port (this is where a 7-port, powered, USB hub is awesome) and simply hang onto it until you need to use it. When you do, take off the cap, jam it in the arse of your iPod or iPhone and BOOM, you are no longer hyperventilating due to the impending doom of living without your iThing. The iPhone (I’m just going to write iPhone now, if you have an iPod, pretend I’m saying iPod okay), just assumes it’s plugged into a wall charger and happily goes about it’s business, being a parasite to the 3G JUICE, sucking away at it’s electronic teat of electrons and whatever.

The 3G JUICE is effectively the same size as the internal iPhone battery, so on an iPhone 3G, it will be able to charge your depleted battery and then some. With the 3G JUICE in tow, you can double whatever use you get now on your iPhone. Handy hey? Not many other iPhone batteries have such high capcity, so this is something to consider when looking for a spare.

3G JUICE tell me that you can leave the battery charged and without use, for up to a year and it will still retain it’s full charge, ready to power your iPhone when you want it. So don’t worry about leaving it in your backpack/man-purse/bum-bag/whatever you carry your stuff in and discovering in a few weeks, that when you really need it, it’s flat. That won’t happen. I promise.

That isn’t to say the 3G JUICE is infallible. During day-to-day use, I discovered two quite silly design flaws. The first issue being the implementation of a cap to cover the dock connector. Sure the cap is useful, protecting the dock connector for such evils like talcum powder, acid rain, dog saliva and Dr. Pepper, but I hate having to put the cap somewhere while it’s in use. Some sort of sliding or retractable cap/cover would be kickin’ rad and way cooler than a simple cap. I hate loose caps. I will misplace them and hence, my life will be ruined. I’ll fall into a hole of drugs and booze and turn into one of those jaded, bitter product reviewers. Nah-uh, not the life for me.

Annoyance #2 is that the USB port is obscured when plugged in. The DLO Jumpstart (another iPhone battery) has the USB port on the opposite side as the dock connector, allowing a pass-through. The 3G JUICE does not do this. It is obfuscated by the iPhone. Poor. Very poor. Would it have killed them to place that mini-USB port down the bottom of the battery?

Some bad news if you’re a 1st-Gen iPod Touch or iPod Nano user, you can’t use a (not just the 3G JUICE, but any) spare battery pack whilst listening to your music, as it will cover the headphone socket. Sorry guys. You will be required to stop rockin’ out to Mastodon or cutting yourself to Panic at the Disco and let your iPod charge whilst it makes sweet electronic love with the 3G JUICE.

I took the 3G JUICE (and the DLO Jump Start) on a road-test at the iPhone Tech Talk in Melbourne last week. I figured someone’s gonna need this bad-boy, considering there will be approximately 15 million iPhones in the one room and that all of us such die-hard nerds that we can’t keep our hands off our iPhones for more than 10 minutes. By around 4pm, I was everyone’s best friend with my spare iPhone batteries. Three MacTalk users who can tolerate my obnoxious smell used the 3G JUICE to see them out until they got to the next power outlet. This is what they said to me whilst using it:

Quamen: “3G JUICE stole my girlfriend, murdered my sister and scored with my mum. I HATE 3G JUICE”
Xenex: “This is the bestest Christmas ever!”
fulltimecasual: “Get your hand off my knee Anthony. No seriously, get your creepy hands off my knee you creepy fucking creep.”

I get a distinct feeling they didn’t understand what I was asking them. Morons.

Make no doubt about it, a spare battery for your iPhone is something any good geek should have, along with a 16GB USB storage device and a 3G modem for your laptop. The 3G JUICE works as advertised. Which isn’t surprising as it’s pretty hard to fuck up a simple battery. Unless it’s a cheap battery that explodes in your hands, requiring finger amputation. Then you’re totally up shit creek without a paddle, as how do you use your iPhone then? With no fingers. Your tongue? An iPhone wand you hold in your mouth? Jesus H. Christ. Luckily for us, the 3G JUICE uses a pretty good battery. It won’t explode. I hope.

Specs:

• Battery Capacity: 1800mAh
• Time to full charge: 3-6hrs
• Weight: 45g
• Battery Manufacturer: C-BAK
• Battery Type: Lithium Polymer
• Dimension: 62mm × 60mm x 12.9mm
• Price: $84.90
• Website & Purchasing Info: http://www.3gjuice.com.au